Saturday, May 28, 2011

First Post Back: Remembering Gil Scott-Heron

He's backkkkkkkk!  And no, I'm not referring to Gil Scott-Heron (he's dead), I am referring to myself.  I apologize to everyone for my extended absence.  I was going through finals and then drinking the finest French Cognacs across the Orient.

Anyway, today let's all take a moment to remember Gil Scott-Heron.  Remember how rap and hip-hop used to be about conveying a message?  Or telling a story using colorful, poetic wording and strong political undertones?  Me neither.  But, I am told that rap and hip-hop was once like this.  For that, we owe a great deal to Gil Scott-Heron.  He is one of the artists, at least the most well-known, who tried to bring Spoken Word Poetry to music.

Now, we probably all do remember Public Enemy, right?  You at least remember Flava Flav.  Well, they were in large part inspired and influenced by Scott-Heron.  They used his no-holds-barred style to create some of the best rap music ever created (not so much Flava Flav, he was just standing around yelling "Yeaaaa boiiii!").

Look him up, and listen to some of his stuff.  Or, at at least watch this video and skip ahead to 2:26.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Quick Note About Updates

Dearest friends,

I've been travelling a lot since my last update and have been without internet access most of the time.  I know, I know, living without internet access is like living without dwarf tossing.  Anyway, I apologize I haven't been updating lately.  However, I will be settled back in a few days and get back to awesomeness!

Cheers mates,
The Satirical Swashbuckler

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Get a Change of Underwear Ready: "Fast Five" Review

You know how some movie franchises get really tired after the first one or two?  One of those series like Terminator where anything after the second one starts to suck?  Where it's just an obvious attempt to lure unsuspecting idiots back into the theater?

This isn't one of them.  Fast Five is the best of the The Fast & The Furious franchise.  I shit you not.  It is the most entertaining, action-packed, film in the series.  Here's why.

First of all-- action.  This movie is more of an action movie than a racing movie, although it has plenty of that too.  I also get the feeling that this one had the highest budget.  They destroyed a sh'load of cars in this movie, all to my great delight.  You remember that scene in Blue Brothers where like 30 cop cars crash into each other?  It's like that, but better.  There's also plenty of run 'n' jump, shoot 'em up, chase 'em down action scenes.  I don't want to give too much away, but Director David Lin does a great job of keeping you entertained in this one.

Second, Vin Diesel.  We all know that Diesel's absence ruined the second and third movies.  We also know that Diesel's presence can make any movie amazing.  Diesel doesn't disappoint here as he becomes the focus of this movie, unlike the first movie where Paul Walker was the protagonist and Diesel was just the awesome guy.

Third, "The Rock" Dwayne Johnson.  You could have left The Rock out of this movie and it would still be plenty intense and action packed.  But, adding The Rock is like adding some habanero peppers to one of those spicy-ass suicide hot wings or whatever on "Man Versus Food" with Adam Richman.  The Rock's character in this movie is simply over-the-top.  He brings intensity to every scene; he yells; he runs; he beats the shit out of people; he kills people with ease; and he is just all around bad ass.  Moreover, he looks fucking huge!  He was already a pretty massive guy, but it looks like he bulked up for this movie.  I never though Diesel could look like just a normal guy.

Fourth, an unstoppable force meets and immovable object-- the fight between Diesel and The Rock.  This fight scene alone is reason enough to watch this movie.

Fifth, the ensemble cast.  It's kind of like Ocean's Thirteen without George Clooney and instead with a bunch of B-level actors.  You've got the Japanese dude from Tokyo Drift played by Sung Kang (who actually died in that movie but who gives a fuck?), Gal Gadot from Fast and Furious, Elsa Pateky who is an actress apparently, Paul Walker, and superstar Tyrese.  Oh yeah and Ludacris is in this movie for some reason too.  The only person they didn't bring back was Michelle Rodriguez because her character is dead (although that didn't stop them from bringing back Sung Kang, apparently).

Lastly, setting this movie in Rio de Janeiro works.  Miami didn't work for 2 Fast 2 Furious, but for some reason Rio works here.  A lot of this has to do with the great production values and the flashy directorial style of Lin who never lets you get bored even for a single second.

In conclusion, go see this movie.  You should know by now that, as far as quintilogies go, the fifth one is always the best.  It's simply bigger and better than the other ones.

Rating: 9/10 (minus 1 point for having Paul Walker in the movie)